What to not say to a tired mum

I am writing this after what feels like the 100th bad night in a row with my baby boy. My husband andFrazzled mum I regularly have the ‘who is more tired’ battle. Obviously its me, but I will relent that he is also able to be tired. He is just NOT allowed to tell me. We have been here before. My first child was not a great sleeper until she was 1 years old. By ‘great’ I mean waking every 2-3 hours through the night. It seems my son doesn’t want to be outdone so he is helping us relive those wonderful, sleep deprived days by doing exactly the same. To give a little more context here, I do all the night wake ups, whether its my baby son or my toddler. To be fair to my husband he can’t see to the baby as he doesn’t produce milk (how I wish he did) and he can’t see to my daughter as she is having a mummy phase and when he tries she screams so loudly the neighbours must wonder what we are doing to her. So I do all the nights. Admittedly he does the 5:30am start, and I take over at 6am. I get a generous 30 minute ‘lie in'(which at weekends is extended by a full hour).

Anyway, I thought to save constant arguments I would put together a list of things NOT to say (as well as some helpful comments). This is to help my own husband and anyone else in his position (by his position, I mean the partner who sleeps all night and doesn’t have to see to the children).

What NOT to say

  1. “God I’m tired.” This is the TOP of the list for a reason! What!? How are you tired? You sleep ALL night! Please, please don’t say you are tired. You could risk losing a very vital body part if this is said after a particularly bad night. It is like having a cough and moaning to someone with no lungs that you are struggling to breathe.
  2. “That was a good night wasn’t it?” NO, the answer is nearly always NO. It was not a good night! You don’t know if it is a bad or good night as you were asleep, so probably just best not to comment and ask how the night was.
  3. “Did they sleep through?” I explode at that one. If they slept through I wouldn’t be waking up with huge bags under my eyes, hiding under the duvet trying to pretend I’m not there. I would spring out of bed in celebration and I promise you and everyone else would know about it!
  4. “I could do with a lie in”. Are you off your head? A lie in!!!! When I sleep even one night all the way through, you can have your lie in!
  5. “Have you tried…?” (insert helpful suggestion). Don’t make any suggestions. I, of course, have tried everything I can think of. Sometimes there is no solution!
  6. Bob at work said that his baby has slept through since he was 2 weeks old. Well bully for Bob! Bob is never welcome over again with talk like that.

 

 

Helpful things to say

  1. “You are doing a wonderful job! Thank you so much for everything you do, we really appreciate it.”
  2. “What can I do to help?” My husband does do this sometimes and I love him for it.
  3. Tomorrow you spend the day in bed and I will wait on you hand and foot.” (We can all dream)
  4. “Let me pay for you to stay in a hotel ALONE to sleep” (In the same vain as the above and also probably not actually going to happen but the thought is nice)
  5. “I will buy you diamonds, jewellery and a lifetime supply of chocolate.” (ok, maybe this one is unrealistic but still nice to be appreciated)
  6. I have heard that children that don’t sleep are highly intelligent. This is one of my favourites and was said by my mummy friends earlier this week. Thanks for that!

 

So I hope this clears things up and saves at least one argument in those sleep deprived months.

 

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