New baby’s guide to the first few days of life

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This is a tongue in cheek look at a baby giving advice to another baby, on what to expect in those first few weeks of life…

“So you have just arrived, well, welcome to the ‘world’!”

“What a funny old place this is? It seems so emotional. Mummy, ‘the soft one’, cries a lot, and the flat chested one, Daddy, doesn’t seem too sure what to do with the crier, or you”.

“If you are wondering about all the noise, don’t be scared. This is just what its like on the ‘outside’. You’re used to muffled sounds and hearing the sweet tones of mummy, and the base of daddy’s voice, then to suddenly hear everything is SO much louder, is a shock. And not just their noise, everything is noisy! Doors, cars, children, pets, guests, Grandma, the midwife. It is so busy and so noisy. You will get used to it though, and some noises are really soothing, I particularly like the hoover, that makes me so tired for some reason. Or when mummy or daddy sing to me, that makes me feel calmer”.

“I don’t know if you have noticed, but isn’t everything so BIG, and bright!…

To read the rest come over to the NEW BLOG PAGE….

 

When the phrase, ‘I’m lucky’, should be banned

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We all like hearing a good luck story; we celebrate our own good luck and may share our good news with others. I love hearing when my friends are lucky, for example win a competition, or an opportunity presents itself that they didn’t think was likely. Let’s face it, we all hope to be lucky! So why am I writing this? Why would I not want to hear of people’s good luck? Not because I am a Grinch, or don’t want good things happening for others.
I love to hear about your good fortune, except in one situation…When it is said in relation to a baby or child, to a person sharing their story, which is the opposite of lucky. This mostly happens on social media and occasionally in person at baby and toddler groups.

Let me explain. I am not talking about statements like ‘I am lucky to have had him, or ‘I’m lucky I had a healthy pregnancy’ or ‘I feel so lucky to have my babies’ not in that way.

To give you some examples…

A desperate mother posts on a Facebook forum,

“my 11-month-old wakes so many times in the night! I’m exhausted and nothing I do works, any tips or anyone else experienced this?”

You will inevitably find a response like, “I’m lucky, we never had this problem, mine have always slept 7-7”

Why? Why say it? Why do people feel the need to share their ‘luck’ in this situation when another is desperately trying to find others that relate?

Another example…..

 

To read the rest come over to the new blog page… http://www.rootsandwingsparenting.com/2017/06/07/when-the-phrase-im-lucky-should-be-banned/

Feel free to like and share from the new page x

Juggling

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It’s not a new concept. I am sure every parent across the country feels like a top circus act, the amount of juggling involved with raising a modern family.

The question is how do we know we are getting it right? When we choose one thing over another are we making the right choice? Is the grass ever really greener?

Recently I was talking to a few friends about juggling the work life balance. I work from home, mostly around the children. Spending a few hours a day on my laptop, when I have a chance and the children are happily occupied. So, in reality, I load my computer 50 times a day and spend approximately 20 minutes doing any real work. My friends all do a variety of working patterns. Some work evenings, some weekends, some daytime and the children are in childcare, some are stay at home parents. All of us, without exception, worry about our choices….

To read more go to the new blog page

http://www.rootsandwingsparenting.com/2017/05/22/juggling/

 

How Does she do it?

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I see a woman almost daily on my morning dash to preschool. She, like me has 2 children, but, unlike me, she always looks serene. It’s almost like she floats to her destination, children in tow. There is no coaxing, crying (her or the children) fussing, falling over, fighting over the pushchair. The children are just as serene as she is. Now my question is, how is this the case? Is it that this woman just has it nailed? Is she more organised then me? Does she leave the house half an hour before she needs to in order to make the journey smooth and stress-free? Is she drugging her children? Are her children just compliant and quiet?….

To read full blog please see my new blog page… http://www.rootsandwingsparenting.com/2017/05/01/how-does-she-do-it/

 

Letter to new mums

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new-mummyDear new mummy,

First let me start by saying congratulations! You have a baby! How does it feel being someone’s mummy? What a massive change. You are now on life’s longest and most important apprentice and so far, you are doing a wonderful job. You have brought a life into the world!! You are bloody superwomen and don’t forget that. If you have had a baby, there is nothing you can’t do!!

Unfortunately, I don’t have any words of wisdom, tips or advice, but you may be sick of all that already right?

This is just to say that some days you will cry and you know what, that’s ok!! This is the WORLDS HARDEST job and at times when your baby is crying, or unsettled, or you are exhausted, or your boobs hurt. Or you resent the freedom your partner has being able to leave the house without having someone permanently attached to them, or just because your hormones are all over the place, you will cry. Don’t you beat yourself up about that!

You cry, eat cake and know you may feel like you are getting it wrong, but your tears show you are getting it absolutely right! You care so much that you want to be doing the best job you can, and do you know what, you are.

There will be highs and lows, probably within each hour.

Things change all the time and when they do it is nothing you have done ‘wrong’, babies know their own minds early on. If they decide they don’t like sleep that day, there is probably little you can do to change it. If they want to spend the day eating, they will eat. It has nothing to do with your ability as a parent.

It is easy to compare ourselves, or our babies to others. The truth is no one has all the answers. In fact, no one really has any answers. We all learn on the job, and it’s trial and error.

For anyone struggling, or sleep deprived, or generally feeling guilt or worried about your ability as a parent, I set you this challenge…

Name one thing that you are proud of today? Anything; it could be getting dressed, making it to that group, popping to the shop for milk, making a new mum friend, conquering the world (aka getting your baby to nap). Then hold on to that, and keep reminding yourself that you are doing a wonderful job!

*If you enjoyed reading this please do share it with your friends, and check out my Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/rootsandwingsparenting/ I would love to hear your what you are proud of today so please comment or tell me via Facebook.

Love is…

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love

Well it is Valentines, and whilst I wait for my lorry full of cards from secret admirers to appear on my door step, I can’t help reflecting on love itself. Since becoming a parent I have experienced a love like no other, but the thing that surprises me the most about love is that it’s not only its many forms, but its many stages depending on where you are in your life and age.

As a teenager love was often painful, embarrassing, unrequited and full of self-doubt; ‘would Craig Smith look at me on the bus to school today?’, ‘oh my goodness Sam Bell just asked me for the time, that means he loves me, right?’. As a teenager the concept of love was completely confusing. It was so all consuming and intense. I might love someone so completely one day, yet a month later the object of my affection may be someone entirely different, and still feel like the real thing. Sadly, many of these experiences were imagined (it turns out I was never destined to marry Macaulay Culkin) or at least a little embellished by my imagination. My first date was such an event, I had built it up and imagined a scene not unlike one of my favourite romantic films. Unfortunately, it was more comedy than anything else.

My date invited me to MacDonald’s, then proceeded to buy two ice creams. I, of course, imagined one was for me, but I was wrong. He went from one to the other, alternating eating his 2 ice creams! He didn’t even ask if I wanted some. We then went to play football at the local park with his friends. Not what I was expecting when I had carefully chosen my first date outfit and new shoes! It certainly changed my views of dating for a while.

As an adult, my experiences of love have grown and changed, as have I. I have been surprised by this. I assumed love was static but it isn’t. Each new connection is a new way of loving someone. In my 20s love was giddy, fun, up and down and frivolous. By my 30s in was committed partnership, long term, more respectful and calm.

The way I love other members of my family has also changed, since becoming a parent I have deeper respect and understanding for my mum. Before I loved her, but as a child, the women who could make everything better and knew all the answers. Now I see her as a woman who sacrificed and worked so hard to be that to me, strengthening the love I feel for her.

Most surprising to me has been the unconditional and complete love that I feel for my children. From the day they arrived I loved them. I never imagined you could love someone so completely who you have never even met before, but I did. I don’t only love them when they are kind or say the right thing. I don’t love them because of what they give me or how they make me feel. I love them for everything they are. No questions, no expectations, no conditions. The purest love I have ever felt.

So whilst my lorry of cards from admirers may not appear, I have learnt a lot about love in its many forms and hope that it will continue to grow and change throughout my life. So far, I have found it to be like a fine wine, it gets better and I appreciate it more with age.

  • I wrote this piece for my etc column, Horsham and Mid Sussex Edition. Feb 2017.
  • What are your thought on love? Has it changed for you? I would love to hear from you over on my Facebook page 🙂